


DULL

by Ktxitx



Category: BTOB
Genre: M/M, but i have a title, hum it's... i really don't know, i guess, it was kinda inspired by changsub's gone and changsub's at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-15 05:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18067457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ktxitx/pseuds/Ktxitx
Summary: So, for once I have some sort of summary: so Sungjae's a famous singer, he is kinda depressed. wait, depressed isn't the right word... spiritless would be better... anyway, he is not doing fine, but then he meets... (read it to know even if it's obvious lol)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I did not forget about the 2 stories that I have ongoing already, but this one is finished already (i finished this instead of finishing the ones I had already started putting here, stupid me), so since I still have that major block on the soulmate one, i figured I could just put this one in the meantime... thanks for putting up with me!!!

Dull. The weather was dull. The people were dull. The buildings were dull. Everything was dull. The people around me could not understand the darkness I had trapped himself in. All they saw was the money and the fame.

I hated that...

Had I not refused to debut in a boygroup as my company had suggested me to, maybe things wouldn't have turned that way... The world and me seemed to grow further and further apart.

I went to all of my schedules, played the perfect singer that I was, but inside, it felt empty, at least, music was still the biggest part of my life. But happy songs felt bitter. Once I was back home, the blackness in my heart would tool over me. Until a light appeared.

 

Said light was met at first by pure coincidence at the office, a sparkle in the dark.  
He was wearing ripped jeans and an over-sized sweatshirt. I had no idea of who he was and why he was here, I had never seen him before. I was lost in my thoughts but he grabbed my attention by tripping over the last step of the stairs, and barely managing to make it without falling down. His first reaction had been to laugh, I found that odd because there weren't much people around. The most normal thing for him to do would have been to just keep walking as if nothing had happened, instead, small giggles kept escaping him.

I didn't really see what was so funny about that and kept on walking to my practice room. I noticed the guy had gone right which surprised me since I knew all the composers that worked here. I had never seen that guy, but he did seem to know his way around here.

I pretty much forgot about him, until we crossed paths again. Still in the company building, and once again in the stairs, except that this time, he was going up and I was going down. He had two coffees in hand and was humming a song.

I really didn't get who he might be.

He seemed too old to be a trainee, besides, if he were, he would definitely greet me. I had asked and no new contract with a composer had been signed, he didn't even seem to be part of any of the company's staff, he didn't have a badge either.

 

My days were getting fuller as I was preparing for a new album, my favorite composer had called, saying he had songs to present me, so I went to his studio, ready to hear what song he might have in store.

\- Hi, Hyunsik hyung... - I said, closing the door behind me.

Hyunsik was in front of his computer, doing some composing stuff, as I had expected of him. What surprised me was that he was not alone, my mysterious guy was here too. He was sleeping though, hugging one of Hyunsik's numerous frog dolls.

I frowned, so it was one of Hyunsik's acquaintance that I had been crossing paths with? He looked so focused while asleep, I wondered if he was having some sort of serious dream...

I cleared my throat, too immersed in whatever he was doing, Hyunsik still hadn't registered my presence in the room. He seemed to finally notice and turned to me with a bright smile, at least someone here looked happy...

\- Oh! Sungjae! You're here! So, I prepared 3 songs for you, there is one I just finished so it still messy, but you'll get the point...

I tried to focus but I was distracted by the guy and Hyunsik didn't seem to want to explain why there was a random stranger sleeping in his studio… I was surprised when he put on the guide song, he usually recorded them himself yet this was a voice I had never heard before. And, what surprised me more was that it was amazing. Maybe he had made a trainee sing, if he had, that trainee had some talent...

Hyunsik waited for the song to be over to ask what I thought of it. He knows I hate being interrupted during my first listening of a song.

I nodded and he smiled:

\- I knew you were going to like it... Though, it will definitely sound a lot different in your voice... I couldn't bring myself to ask Changsubie to sing it another way, his way of singing is too good to be left out...

Hyunsik had been more mumbling than talking at the end and I raised an eyebrow at him.

\- Oh, the one singing, -he shook his head in the still asleep guy's direction - he helped me on the lyrics... by the way...

He stood up, looking at his watch and shook him unceremoniously while I started the song over, scanning the lyrics they had made at the same time. I liked it, it was sad, depressing even, exactly the kind of thing I was in the mood to sing these days...

I heard a groan but didn't bother turning, preferring to stay focused on what I was doing, I often appeared as rude anyway. But Hyunsik's laugh made me loose focus again.

\- Hyung! Just go already! Didn't you say you had an appointment later?

He groaned as an answer and I sighed, a bit too loudly I guess, I heard some weird sounds and then:

\- I'm up! I'm up! Geez, why are so violent? It's not like I'm doing anything wrong here! And we finished the song anyway!

\- Yeah, yeah, you said you had an appointment, just go already! And don't forget you still owe me 4 songs!

\- Yeah, yeah I know... See you...

The guy stood up and it seemed he only noticed me when he was about to open the door:

\- Oh, hi...

The lack of enthusiasm made me wonder if he knew who I might be. Despite the fact that my face was probably all around the company, I am the best known soloist around after all.

Hyunsik shook his head:

\- Hyung, he is gonna sing our songs so pay more attention okay?

He nodded and went out before I had time to even greet him. Hyunsik sat back still shaking his head, but seemed to get back to business quickly as he turned to me again:

\- So, do you want to listen to the other songs?

I nodded, I was lowkey wondering why he had said the guy, whatever his name was, "owed" him songs. But I soon focused back as Hyunsik put on another song that had a whole different feeling to it. And I engrossed myself in sorting out what songs would be on my next album.

I met with my other usual composers, checking what they had for me, and was starting to plan everything when Hyunsik said he had managed to prepare two other songs. I was glad he had because he is good at sad songs, and I wanted my album filled with it since it is all I could think about.

I went to his studio again, this time he was alone, but I still had a shock hearing the guide, that once again, he had not recorded himself:

\- Whoa... is that Seo Eunkwang's voice?

\- Oh, yeah that's right, he was with us when and volunteered to record it... He also recorded with me for the duet... Unless you don't like the idea of a duet and we can just scrap it out...

\- Wait, you know Seo Eunkwang and I never knew?

\- I guess yes... Why?

\- I'm such a huge fan...

It was true. Seo Eunkwang was such a great singer, and entertainer. I had never really gotten the chance to actually meet him, just at huge gatherings where we would only greet each other from afar, but I really did admire him. Such a talented singer...

\- Well, we've been friends for a while... He is your fan though, he was so honored to record your guides songs... - he shook his head, sighing dramatically.

After we talked for a while, he told me to think about the duet, and I really had no idea of who I should do it with. He said it would be good doing it with someone from our company but I have had duets with some of them already, I wanted someone new. Someone that could deliver emotions well.

Hyunsik even suggested to ask Seo Eunkwang if I wanted but, though I loved his voice, I didn't feel like it was suited with mine for the song. Maybe some other time. But I said we should definitely meet.

Then I fell upon that first song Hyunsik had made me listen to for the album. And it enlightened me. That voice. I needed to hear it again.

I went to Hyunsik, asking about the song again. He seemed so surprised.

\- Changsubie???? Oh... you might have to do some convincing if you want him as a duet partner... But sorry, I don't have anything else he might have recorded... But I can get you a ticket to his musical, it's not really the same way of singing, but it's still singing...

\- Musical?

\- Oh, yeah, he is a musical actor. By the way, Eunkwang and I are going to see it tomorrow, you can come with us if you want...

I hesitated, did I really want that guy's voice that bad? But it would give me an opportunity to meet Seo Eunkwang, and besides, I liked musical and had a clear schedule these days...

It was heavenly, his voice was such a wonder. And I met Seo Eunkwang, like for real. I am such a fan, he's got such an awesome voice. He seemed very pleased to meet me, apparently, he is indeed my fan. I felt so honored such a great singer would like me.

And he cheered for me when Hyunsik told him I wanted my duet to be with Changsub, he explained he had tried before but Changsub's answer had been unwaveringly negative.

After the musical, we went backstage to congratulate him, and Hyunsik introduced me again, because last time we had met, he was half asleep. He was a lot nicer when fully awake.

I felt a bit like an intruder but Hyunsik, being the great guy he is, explained that I had heard his guide song and I wanted to sing a duet with him.

He looked at me like I was a fish out of sea for a while before asking:

\- But... why? Aren't there like, lots of great singer out there?

I shook my head, Hyunsik was right, I should speak for myself and convince him:

\- I really liked your voice...

He shrugged:

\- Well... sorry... I don't think I can...

I shook my head, I should have prepared what to say, I was too used at people being eager to have a starring with me, so before I said goodbye, I asked if he would hear me out if I came back to him with a better argumentation. He raised an eyebrow at me, I think it meant something like "dude, I said no already, back off!" but he shrugged and hesitantly nodded. I guess he was at least curious as to why I would ask _him_ , who wasn't even a singer (well he was, but you see what I mean), to duet with me, a notoriously famous singer, that you really couldn't miss, I mean, not to brag, but I was in many cfs, and I even acted in some dramas. I was like, a hot topic in the country. Anyone would at least recognize my name and my signature sign: a six. Which, by the way, was why I could choose whoever I wanted for this duet, my firm knew it would do more good to the person I did it with, I didn’t quite need it...

So I guess it seemed odd that I would want to duet with a musical actor after only hearing him once...

Two days later, I felt ready, which I informed Hyunsik, who seemed surprised I was still on this, but let me do what I wanted anyway, and Changsub agreed to meet me again. At least, he was someone to keep his word.

We met at one of those coffee shops not that many people attend because it is ridiculously expensive, but that was the kind of place I usually attended to avoid inconveniences...

He was staring at me, sipping at his iced-americano, waiting for me to start, I sighed, it had been long since I had not had what I wanted without much effort:

\- So, I am asking again, can you do a duet with me?

\- You said you'd prepare an argumentation, I'm waiting...

\- First, can I ask why you said no to _Seo Eunkwang_ ?

I really didn't see how anyone would ever say no to such a great singer...

\- Well, imagine it the other way around, what if I asked him to play the lead with me in a musical? He would say no, though he is great at musical. It'd just be weird...

\- So, you're not definite on not singing with me?

\- Well... I am hearing you out, ain't I?

I nodded, taking a sip of my coffee, looking for the right words:

\- So... I want a duet with you... For starters, as I already told you, I like your voice, it’s very... beautiful... When I listened to the guide song you made, I could feel the emotions, everything... So much goes through your voice... And, that is something I want in the person I duet with. Someone who can grasp emotions well... And I heard you wrote the lyrics with Hyunsik, I like that too since it makes you in a better place to sing the emotions you put in it... As I noticed in your musical, and the song, you're good with sad, like, you convey a broken heart so well... And that is what the song is about... And, a plus, our voices would blend well together... And if you want, you can have most of the credits for the son...

\- I don't care about the money... - he cut me off frowning - I did not write these lyrics for money anyway...

I smiled:

\- You can have the terms you want... I just want the duet with you. We can make it under your supervision if you want...

\- Nah... Hyunsikie is way better at it than I am... Just out of curiosity, why not ask Eunkwang hyung?

\- Don't get me wrong, I am a fan, I truly am, and it would be an honor singing with him, but not this song... His voice is wonderful, but I want another kind of duet with him if I have the chance to... You see what I mean?

\- No... But, alright... It's not that you were very convincing, I'm just trying it out because you did seem somewhat interesting... As a singer I mean...

He was frowning and I couldn't believe it has been that easy, he added:

\- Out of curiosity, why don't you compose, or write lyrics?

\- I am not confident in my composing skill, and I trust Hyunsik, as well as my other composers to come up with great songs for me... Actually, we discuss a lot, I prefer coming up with the ideas and they make what I want... that is my style.

I was surprised at myself, I don't usually talk that much to strangers like that, well, this wasn't any secret, I had talked like that before in interviews, but it felt like I was opening up for some reason, something I had not done in a while. It felt good, like coloring the world in brighter colors for a bit.

He agreed on meeting to revise the lyrics, I wanted them to be fitting well for the both of us.  
There was one point I had not expected though, it was that we wouldn't get along... like, at all.

 

It started with how we just couldn't agree for the lyrics. We spent way too much time bickering over it. So much that Hyunsik, who had decided to join us, ended up fleeing the room because he was tired of our constant disagreement. It's not that he didn't want to change the lyrics, he just always had something to comment and it annoyed the hell out of me, and whenever he suggested something, I had always something to object, it was a living hell.

After long hours of discussing, we ended up agreeing and settling on the definitive lyrics.

Hyunsik, who, as I already said, was tired of putting up with our shit, took charge of rearranging the song and direct the recording. Recording that also ended up being way longer than it should. Changsub not being used to sing that kind of song, and because we weren't used to sing with each other and we never stopped bickering. I now laugh, remembering Hyunsik's "I'm so done with you two" face when we finally managed to finish recording, though I wasn't laughing at the time...

Another war started when I changed my plans and decided to put the duet as the title instead of a side track as I had previously planned. Changsub didn't agree, saying he had never thought it would be a title and everything. But the result was so great, I couldn't leave it as a simple side track. The song was just too good. However, he kept on disagreeing.

In the end, I won since my company agreed that it was too good for a simple side track and insisted I put it as the title.

After that, yet another war started when I spoke about the MV, he didn't want to star in it and I wanted him to because it would feel awkward if there was me but not him.

I finally convinced him when I explained it was just us singing in the studio, and actors doing the story. I didn't want to act myself in it, I felt like for once, I just wanted to sing, because it was telling someone else's story.

We had fun during the filming though, Changsub, who wasn't used to film a lot, seemed so lost. I remember telling myself to get a grip on myself for finding him cute. And it was so easy to annoy him, he had so little patience as I had learned, we had spent way too much time together for one song but I hadn't felt so great in a while.

It was like, when he was there, the blackness in my heart went back to a small corner and I enjoyed my work again. I especially loved it when he was immersed in singing, it made me wonder if such passion animated me too.


	2. Chapter 2

#### CS:

I groaned, why was my phone ringing? I was pretty sure I had put it on silent mode, but I, obviously, hadn't... I found it and looked at the person calling:

**_666_ **

I sighed, why was Yook Sungjae calling me now?

\- Yeahhh?

\- HYUNG! Were you asleep? Why are you sleeping at such a time? My... our MV is coming out in ten minutes!! Anyway, I knew you'd be sleeping so I'm already in front of your door, come open it!

I have no idea of how and when Yook Sungjae got so comfortable with me... And how in the world had he found out my address?

I vaguely answered and went to open the front door, showing him to the living room saying I'd be back in a minute, and he laughed at me, _laughed at me_ , saying I looked cute, then he made a weird face, as if he was surprised by his own words and went to sit down on the couch in disbelief.

I shook my head, wondering what madness had come through me when I had accepted to sing with him.

And by the way, he didn't seem that depressed. Hyunsik had told me that he wasn't doing great mentally, it's one of the first thing the staff told me when I agreed on this duet. But to me, he was doing just fine. Whenever I saw him he just laughed all the time... I had noticed the surprised looks the staff would give him, but I didn't think it was such a huge change from usual… So I wasn’t sure why the staff kept thanking me and asking me how I did it… How I did what? Even Hyunsik and his manager thanked me, I still don’t know what that was about… I didn’t do anything...

### 

#### Yook:

Changsub came back, looking more human, which made me want to laugh but he still looked pissed that I had invaded his home.

\- Where is your computer? - I asked.

He shrugged and disappeared into his room again, he came back holding his computer in one hand and his charger in the other. He set them on the coffee table. As he was still not quite awake, he was slow. But he finished his setting up at some point and sat next to me.

\- Shouldn't you watch it with your whole crew? Or at least, be at your firm?

I shook my head, pouting:

\- I wanted to watch it with you... And I'll go to the company right after anyway...

There were still a few minutes left so I asked how had been the representations for his last musical, and before I knew it, we had started talking and had both long forgotten about the MV, until Changsub's phone rang.

He picked it up and I restrained a smile hearing the caller:

\- LEE CHANGSUB! ARE YOU REALLY MY SON?

\- Whaaat? Mom, why?

Changsub stood up and went elsewhere, I couldn't get rid of the little smile that had crept up, for some reason, Changsub getting scolded made me way too happy...

I looked at my phone and gasped at the number of notifications I had, and suddenly, I remembered why I was here in the first place: the MV!

I was amazed, apparently, people loved the song. I went to check the charts, as most of the notifications were about that, and was amazed: our song was like, in the top 10 everywhere, and on one chart, it was in 2nd position.

I felt an excitement that I hadn’t felt in a long time invade me as it had faded away with time, looking at this. I turned to the computer and went to look at the comments. The comment section was flooded with people wondering who the hell was Lee Changsub, people saying the song was great, some comments on the lyrics, I was glad their purpose had been fulfilled. Of course, they were also some negative comments, but it had been long since I had stopped caring that much about those.

Changsub came back sighing, throwing his phone on the couch:

\- I might have forgotten to tell my family about this... They're mad.

I giggled, of course they would be, I stood up excitedly and brandished my phone in front of him:

\- LOOK! We're 2nd place!

He smiled, I don't think he really cared but my joy was probably contagious.

\- My mother wants to meet you by the way... She said she couldn't believe I had met you secretly, she wants a picture with you. She says it's because she's your fan, but I'm sure she just wants to brag...

I nodded, I was used to this kind of favor.

\- I told her to scrap that, she already brags with Eunkwang's picture everywhere, she doesn't need yours...

This time I couldn't help but laugh, Changsub ignored me and went to the couch, he was about to add something when I saw my manager was calling me. I answered and immediately regretted it since he got all mad had me (I might have seen the numerous missed calls and not called back, I am not sure why) and said he would pick me up as soon as he could, I was needed at the firm. As soon as he was there, I left, and Changsub waved goodbye at me with a smile. I wasn't sure if it was because he was happy for me or happy that I was leaving though...

At the company, I got scolded for disappearing like that and not answering my phone, but then they remembered about the song and congratulated me.

A few days later, I went to Changsub's agency for the first time. Minhyuk, my manager had been telling me that he could do that himself, but I knew I should be the one to ask. You see, I had decided not to perform the title on music shows, but the one I had originally chosen as my title, so, to wrap it up, I wanted to do a special stage of the real title, because, you know, it would be a shame not performing it at all. So, all I needed to do, was ask Changsub to do it.

He had been a pain in the ass each time I had asked for something, so I feared rejection again... But after all, convincing him wasn't precisely a hard thing to do, at least for me...

The woman at the reception told me where to go and I found myself knocking at a vocal practice room. When no answer was heard, I wondered if I was at the wrong room, and hesitantly knocked again, louder. Some rummaging was heard on the other side, I wasn't sure what was going on, but I recognized his voice when he invited me in.

I slowly opened the door and couldn't help but laugh at the scenery. Changsub was in the middle of a sea of papers on the ground, and I was pretty sure that until I knocked, he was sleeping on it. He definitely had his "I just woke up" face. He rubbed his eyes, looking troubled.

\- Yook Sungjae? Why the hell are you here?

I stepped in and closed the door behind me. The room was small so I was careful not to step on the papers, that seen from closer seemed to be scripts, but I couldn't be sure, there were music sheets that seemed not to have anything to do with it too.

\- Oh, yeah, I was doing some sorting out. It's a bit of a mess...

He bent down to quickly pick the papers up, looking focused as he asked:

\- So really, what brings you here?

\- I... - I had no idea why I suddenly felt hesitant - I have a favor to ask of you...

I paused, Changsub had raised his head, waiting for me to continue.

\- I decided to perform our song on music show as a special stage, can you... do it with me?

\- Okay, sure.

He had answered without even thinking before. Why wasn't he picking up a fight? He must have noticed my confusion because he added, smiling at me:

\- It's normal that you should perform the title at least once...

I nodded, not sure why a slight blush was creeping up on me.

\- By the way, my mother's still fixed on meeting you, even though I told her no already. She said that having Yook Sungjae as her friend's son was even better than Seo Eunkwang. My sister didn't agree, but I can't wait to see Eunkwangie's face when he learns that his spot was stolen...

I smiled, I loved it when Changsub suddenly randomly started story telling his life. I liked his way of exaggerating everything all the time, with him, going to the grocery store is as much of an adventure as escaping a psychopath in the woods (not that it had happened to him, it's just a random example), and I loved it.

\- And, I almost forgot! My company is throwing a dinner to celebrate the success of our latest musical... - he lowered his voice, winking as he added, laughing- They even raised my paycheck, especially after the success your song had... So, you'd like to come?

I grinned, it was the first time Changsub ever invited me at something, so I was more than glad to come.

### 

#### CS:

I was so nervous. I wasn’t sure why, I mean, I am a musical actor after all. I’ve had my share of performing live, on a stage, in front of spectators. And the rehearsals had gone great, I really had no reasons to be nervous. 

I felt awkward greeting Sungjae’s behind the scene camera. The company had asked me to do it since it was good publicity and Sungjae’s fans had been curious about me, I had already done it for his MV anyway. My firm was more than glad, it had brought lots of spectators to my current musical. It felt weird though.

At least, the company dinner had gone well, apart from the fact that Sungjae had been inquiring for embarrassing stories about me throughout the evening… I shook my head, smiling lightly, that guy really was annoying...

I looked at him as he was laughing for the camera, maybe it fooled the fans, but anyone that knew him would know this was a fake ass laugh. But his smile when he waved at me to come closer seemed somewhat genuine. Or maybe I was just confused. I shook my head joining him. This time it was the music show’s behind the scene. I wondered how many cameras chased him around all the time. It was probably exhausting.

\- Oh! There he is! You know, he wasn’t that easy to get! I had to convince him!! - he said smiling.

Sungjae trapped me there by putting his arm on my shoulder as the girl holding the camera asked:

\- How long have you known each other? You guys look very close.

She was reading the questions out of a paper where fans’ questions had been written down.

\- Not that long actually… - Sungjae smiled – I’ve known him because of common friends, actually, I think the first time we talked was the day I met Seo Eunkwang… A couple of months ago…

\- That’s right, fans have been curious about this too, they noticed you had appeared a lot in Seo Eunkwang’s instagram, they’ve been wondering how you two knew each other. - she said, turning to me

I scratched my head, this time Sungjae couldn't answer in my stead…

\- Well, we used to be trainees together…

I felt Sungjae’s grip on my shoulder loosen from the surprise, and the camera girl looked surprised too. Actually, the whole staff did. 

\- Oh… How come…?

I smiled, I had answered that plenty of time. I wasn’t used to cameras, but I had done plenty of magazines interviews. I smiled:

\- Well, we were training together to become singers. The firm suggested we played back up singers for a musical, you know, to gain some stage experience. I fell in love... - I said, shrugging.

I felt uncomfortable, lots of people were looking at me right now, especially Sungjae, who seemed to have forgotten about the camera and was just staring dumbly at me. 

The camera girl asked me more questions, that I was pretty sure were more to satisfy her own curiosity, and I hoped it would all be edited out since Sungjae was still out of it. 

Before she finally left, Sungjae had gotten it back together and was smiling while she kept on asking me questions. I later learned Sungjae spacing out wasn’t that out of the ordinary and that the fans were used to it. As soon as she had left, he bombarded me with questions, as if the camera girl hadn’t just done that... He was shocked to learn Hyunsik used to be trainee with us but quit when he realized he preferred composing than performing. Something about preferring to be the mastermind in the shadows…

In the end, the performance went well, I was nervous but looking at Sungjae was enough to ease my nerves. It went just as it had during repetitions: great.

As we were waiting, Sungjae chit-chatted with the fans and he laughed when one yelled I was handsome. I blushed and they all cooed at me, I heard comments like “cute” fusing. Which only made me blush more, and Sungjae giggle, commenting that I didn’t look older than him since I looked too cute, with the fans cheerfully agreeing.

I wanted to disappear ten feet under the ground. Why did Yook Sungjae had to embarrass me like that?

I was saved when they told us take 2 was beginning, and after the second performance, we left since the stage had to be changed for another singer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for reading!! Have a great day!! 
> 
> By the way, I started writing this such a long time ago, I'm glad I finally finished it, and I had not used first person pov in a while, and as always, it feels like going back home... Anyway, I'm in a good mood so I feel like talking, but I don't really have much to say lol...


	3. The end

#### YOOK

I didn’t know for how many times I had been replaying our live performance video. Changsub was just so… awesome. I loved every second of it. The fans were reacting well too. Actually, even non-fans.

I felt great watching it. A feeling I had not known in a while. As my promotions were over, I had one last TV appearance left and after that, I was on a break. As I was re-watching the performance for the I-don’t-know-anymore time, I lost myself in reading the comments. Chuckling when I found one wondering if I had found myself a girlfriend lately since I looked so happy these days. It was followed by numerous answers, some saying the person commenting was overreacting, others agreeing, and others asking if it wasn’t just Changsub’s aura spreading to me. I would consider these ones the closest from reality.

I had no idea of how he did it, but a simple text from him lightened up my world. I sighed, speaking of texts, it seemed he had forgotten I even existed. Ever since the special stage, he had gone dead silent. I sighed, maybe I should send a text. But what?

I shook my head, he was probably busy anyway.

The next day, I went to my filming. It was a popular TV show, entertainment, something I was good at. It went pretty well, apart from the fact that I didn’t feel that motivated, I kept checking my phone, but still no messages.

Minhyuk hyung, my manager, kept eyeing me weirdly. He seemed worried, and I wanted to go home. I was back in my usual mindset, the spirit wasn’t really there. Once we were done, he dropped me off, asking, as he always did, if everything was alright. He’s not stupid, and he knows me well. I was somehow surprised since he hadn’t had that worried tone in a while. I guess the fans were right, I must have seemed happier for a while, maybe just not seemed. I felt good. Like in the old times, when I had just debuted and I wanted to conquer the whole world. I just nodded at him before getting in.

I hadn’t felt like that in a while, so I did the only thing that had made me smile these days, I watched our performance again. It was silly, this definitely wasn’t a happy song. As I was watching it again, I noticed the behinds were out and watched, smiling at how awkward Changsub turned whenever the camera was around and laughed seeing the silly faces Changsub had been making while I was talking, for a guy who asserted he was uncomfortable with the camera around, he was doing pretty great…

I checked the comments, smiling seeing that people seemed to find him funny, some were saying he was too much, but mostly, the comments were invaded with laughing emojis, for both his faces and our small bickering, that seemed to be quite the entertainment by the way. I smiled as I had an excuse to send a text.

_“Is making fun of me behind my back that funny? (ง'̀-'́)ง”_

I patiently waited for an answer, which came soon after:

_"Whaaaaat? What are you talking about, brat?”_

_”I’m watching our behind the scenes… Did you think I wouldn’t notice you, traitor?”_

He answered with laughing emojis and I pouted before smiling when he sent another text asking how my lasts schedules had gone, I answered, feeling all giggly for some reason… our chatting lasted for a lot longer than I had thought it would, until the point where he stopped answering and I suspected he had fallen asleep. A supposition that was confirmed for when I woke up the next morning (okay, afternoon, but I was on a break!) I noticed his text, apologizing for falling asleep on me like that.

My break went by smoothly. I went to my parents, then I took a small trip to Japan. I like Japan. And before I knew it, I was back home, ready to audition for a few dramas and shooting a new commercial.

They said it seemed my vacations had done me good, but I didn’t know if it was the resting or the constant texting with Changsub that really was doing me good… Speaking of the latter, we hadn’t seen each other in a while. He hadn’t finished his last musical performances, he was already preparing another. I had always thought only multi-tasked singers like me were overworked all the time, but he was also on some monster level… that guy never stops…

Anyway, since I was back in town, I invited myself to his apartment to have a drink. He laughed when he opened the door, saying I was lucky that he was such a lazy ass, he was originally supposed to meet friends that evening. I laughed, following him, feeling the good mood spreading over me like a lucky charm as soon as he had smiled to me. Seriously, how did he do that?

This was the first of the numerous drinking evening that followed, we met each other’s friends, though we had some in common, I was glad to get to know Seo Eunkwang better and led a thorough investigation on Hyunsik’s past as a trainee… How could I have not known that?

Ironically, it took me quite a while to realize my own feelings when it was obvious that I was obvious. But I should have known, just from the knowing looks that my manager kept giving me whenever I looked at my phone… that guy knows me too well…

### 

#### CS:

Ever since Sungjae and I’s duet had done well, Eunkwang had kept on bugging me all the time to have a song with me. According to him, it “wasn’t fair” that he didn’t have one since I was friends with Sungjae now.

He got me by killing any patience I had left, one day I snapped and agreed. He was overjoyed and it was draining, but it was fun. He dug up a song we had written together back when we were trainees. I couldn’t believe he had kept it all these years, but he was proud to show me all the stuff he had kept.

The recording went a lot more easily than with Sungjae. For very simple reasons, notably that I didn’t feel the need to contradict Eunkwang all the time… Hyunsik took care of the recording, it was done cleanly and quickly.

This time, it was definitely a side-track, so I didn’t have to worry about cameras or live performances. All I had to deal with was Eunkwang’s never-ending joy dance and over-excitement... He explained to me, laughing evilly that he had rooted for Sungjae because he knew if I accepted the duet, I wouldn’t be able to reject him anymore (friends will always be friends, won't they...?).

A few days after we were all done and had celebrated it, I met with Sungjae, happy to see his smiling face, though he looked tired. He had recently started shooting yet another drama. He congratulated me on featuring in the great Seo Eunkwang’s album (I think he was secretly jealous), I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed, putting his arm around my shoulders, asking what we should have for dinner.

He was the first one to whom I told that my company wanted me to release a single. He looked surprised but rooted for me, saying he was proud of me and everything, which had me rolling my eyes again. It was tempting, an old childhood dream, but I had had a glimpse of what a singer’s life was these days, and I wasn’t sure it was for me. If it wasn’t for Sungjae, I would probably have refused, but as always, he was quite the convincing type, and before I knew it, I was recording a song I had written recently. I had composed a few songs after making some with Hyunsik, I had felt motivated.

 

\- By the way! - Sungjae asked – What was that thing Hyunsik said about you “owing” him songs?

He was at my place (squatting for a change… not that I minded though), a beer in hand, and I had to think for a while before understanding what he was talking about, the guy was referring to quite some months ago, just like that, out of the blue:

\- It’s silly… I forgot his birthday three years in a row so he decided I would pay back my “unfaithfulness as a friend” by making songs with him… it had been a while since I had made anything, so I didn’t mind...

Sungjae shook his head in understanding, saying Hyunsik was right, I was a bad friend… he added that he had thought the story would be funnier though… I laughed and went to sit next to him, asking what we should watch tonight, and since he suggested a scary movie, I nodded, sounded good.

That night, I learned Yook Sungjae is a freaking masochist. What kind of guy would suggest watching a scary movie when he was that scared while watching it? He spent the movie hiding in my sweater, saying he was scared. At least, he had made the mistake of allowing me to see his weakness. Sorry Yook Sungjae, but from now on, scary movies would be a must. Maybe it was more because I liked having him clingy like that, or maybe it was just my evil side making a comeback after long years… who knows?

After I had recorded my single, he chased me around until I let him listen to it (I didn’t want to, but he is a persuasive young man). When a single tear fell down his eyes, I couldn't believe it. Had he really cried by just hearing my voice? He handed me back my phone, saying it was beautiful. To say I was a bit confused at his behavior is an understatement…

Seriously, he was confusing me more and more as time went by. Sometimes I caught him stealing glances at me, and whenever our eyes would meet, his ears would get red, I had come to understand that it was a signal that he was embarrassed, and found it cute. Also, he kept on calling me, without really any special reasons, but whenever our schedules kept us from meeting, he would call, only finding excuses for calling once we had already talked for a while.

He had gotten brighter too. When I had first met him, I had not realized just how much of a bad place he was coming from, I discovered it after our song was out. One day I decided to do my little investigation and was surprised to see how fake he was in most of the videos, fake smiles, forced laughs. It saddened me. But lately, he had been doing better, it was obvious in everything he did. His smiles and laughs on the videos seemed a lot more genuine, he was making more jokes… even his acting had improved (though to be honest, he was already great before)... I wondered what had changed.

And his last album, the one he had just made. It wasn’t filled with saddening ballads like it used to be. It was a mix of genres, and something Sungjae had not done in a while: a happy love song that featured a rising rapper in the industry. And more importantly, the album had a song he had composed himself. He had refused to let me hear it beforehand, saying he was afraid I wouldn’t like it. Which had me laughing because I doubted I would dislike anything Sungjae made, for the simple reason that he was the one to have composed it. And I was so proud of him for gaining more confidence in his own skills.

On my part, I was finishing up a musical before my single would come out. I was extremely nervous, but Sungjae was there to tell me I didn’t need to be, I was going to do great. I wasn’t so sure about that, but it was still reassuring.

 

One day, I laughed, finding an article made by fans, that wondered if Sungjae had a secret girlfriend, which would explain his drastic change of moods these days. I showed it to Sungjae, giggling, asking if he had been hiding things from me. My heart skipped a bit when he looked right into my eyes, dead serious, answering:

\- You’re the secret girlfriend hyung.

I half expected him to burst out laughing, telling me he was just messing with me. But he kept staring into my eyes intensively, I felt myself blushing because that stare was just too much, and I couldn’t come up with a funny answer to ease the atmosphere. Instead, I just stared back at him, out of words.

It was during the same kind of quiet evening that he shook my world again. I had gone used to him constantly pinching my cheeks or ruffling my hair. At first, I would protest, because it made me feel like a kid, but I had come to like it in spite of myself. It was comforting. It had become a habit, just like how he would swing his arm over my shoulders as soon as we were close enough to each other and how I would play with his hand whenever we sat next to each other. It had become so ordinary I felt weird when it didn’t happen.

So, I had called Sungjae over because I had just finished my jacket shooting and I felt weird. It was all becoming so real and I didn’t feel ready. I felt bad for calling him when I saw him arriving. He looked exhausted, I suggested he slept over and I didn’t miss his ears reddening a bit when he said yes. Hum, what kind of thoughts were you having Yook Sungjae? You sneaky little one…

Anyway, he stayed over and the important point in the story is that we kissed.

How it happened? I honestly don’t really know, he was telling me that I was going to do great, that if people didn’t like my song, they didn’t know what they missed, and suddenly we were kissing. I don’t even remember who started it. Actually, I’m not even sure we were talking about my single, maybe we were talking about Sungjae’s upcoming audition for another drama… I just remember kissing. It was nice, it was slow and sweet, there was no rush anyway...

\- Thank you hyung. - Sungjae said after we had parted.

We were so close to each other, out of habit, I was playing with his hand, and I raised my head to look at him, surprised. I didn’t think my kiss called for thanks… He smiled seeing my confusion.

\- Not for that dummy… just… - he smiled, tracing his thumb over my cheek – Thanks for everything, for singing with me, for becoming my friend… You’ve no idea of just how much of an influence you’ve had on me.

I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t feel like I had done anything. It was the other way around actually. He had made me gain more confidence, he had even managed to convince me to debut as a singer. I wanted to tell him just how much greatness he had brought to my life when he added:

\- It’s kind of like in your song…

I tilted my head, wondering what he meant.

\- I was in a dark place, an endless tunnel. I had lost the taste for everything. Until I saw a light at the end, shining brighter than the sun. And I knew I was saved. Nothing could break me anymore…

I didn’t realize I was crying until he wiped away my tears with his thumb, with a soft smile. I don’t even know why I was crying. I guess I had never thought I could have such an effect on him. I had just been myself.

\- It’s just… I don’t know how I would have turned out if I had not met you…

I hugged him tight. I still didn’t really see how I could have been that great to him, but I was glad he was doing better anyway.

He deserves all the best things in the world, and that is what I told him, I hoped my words would be as effective as his, I told him how he didn’t realize just how great of a man he was, and lots more but somehow, I only remember what he told me, I only remember the most important and the silent tears that rolled down his cheeks, I bet he wasn’t sure why he was crying either...

\- I think I love you, Lee Changsub.

He smiled at how I flustered I looked by his words. My face was probably the reddest any human being could get.

I felt like I was in one of these dumb love stories, where the main character falls for someone, even if that person is his complete opposite. What they do most in the movie is bickering, they seem at first like they would make the worst couple ever. But somehow, they end up confessing and they're not sure exactly when  things started being different between them, but they just love each other and want to make it work...

\- I think I love you too, Yook Sungjae…

I said that calmly. Like it was some sort of secret I wasn't sure I should reveal. Yet the look on his face made me want to run out of there and claim to the whole world that I loved him.

Later, he had laid down on the couch, his head resting on my lap, he looked so peaceful. I was ruffling his hair with one hand, the other being imprisoned in his. I don't know for how long we had been like this but I felt like I would stay like that forever. He had his eyes already closed when I was struck by a reality that had probably been there all along.

\- Oh my god. - I said, my hand stopping in its trail.

\- What? - Sungjae’s voice was already half asleep.

\- I really am your secret girlfriend!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, so this was the end for this story, I started writing this so long ago, I'm glad I managed to finish it neatly. And there were initially emojis from my phone on the texting part but my computer (who hates me) won't let them so I had to adjust...
> 
> Thanks a lot for reading, and have a great day!!
> 
> By the way, for those of you that might be still waiting for the rest of the soulmate story, I wrote a bit recently, I think I might get back on track, but these days I am confused, I get many ideas but I have neither the time nor the motivation to write, so it just goes away just like it came... But, I did get it back together and am seeing the soulmate story in a new light, the next chapter might be the last, I hope you won't get disappointed, it is not worth the wait you had to endure... Anyway, thanks a lot for putting up with me!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a lot for reading and have a great day!!!


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